I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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