I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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