I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
