this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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