i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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