Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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