Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
