if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
