Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
