Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
