I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
