Joe is yelling at the trees again.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
