My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
