So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
