i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
