Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
nutella sex= disaster
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
