hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Welp...herpes.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
