wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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