i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
