I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
