Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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