he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
