dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
