It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
