The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
