Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
