There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
