I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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