At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
smell my finger.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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