U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
