I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
