I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
