girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
