And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
