There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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