Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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