What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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