woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
