After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just gift wrapped bread.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I booty called her while she was in labor.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
