its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
