It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
