Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
