Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
