our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This is my gift to your gina
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
