Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
last night I used snow as a chaser
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