Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I am spending my child support on dildos
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
