Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
