I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
