Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
