i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
