Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
