my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
